Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash
"Flo" attends my Strong for Life class at the local senior center. Despite her swollen legs from edema, difficulty breathing, and reliance on a cane, she participates actively. I used to offer her seated exercise options and assist by handing her weights, bands, and setting up a chair.
One day, Flo shared how her visiting children try to do everything for her, despite her managing to live independently. They bring her things, cook for her, and try to be helpful around the house, but she doesn’t appreciate it. She exclaimed, "Don't they know I'm doing all this stuff living by myself?! I don't need their help!" This conversation was a revelation for me.
Helping others can sometimes be interpreted as doubting their capabilities. By automatically getting her weights, bands, and chair, I assumed she needed assistance, which she didn't. Realizing this, I've stopped "helping" her unless she asks for it.
Often, my class participants arrive early or stay late, offering to help set up or clean up. I used to decline, feeling it was my responsibility to prepare and clean up. Now, when they offer, I accept. They are perfectly capable and enjoy contributing. Assigning them tasks during class has made them feel more involved and valued.
At the senior living center where I teach, I noticed able-bodied residents often help those with less mobility. Now, I give them specific tasks, like picking up balls or assisting wheelchair-bound residents back to their rooms. This promotes a sense of community and allows everyone to contribute in their own way.
My mother-in-law also shared that a neighbor occasionally shovels snow from her driveway, but she prefers doing it herself. Another friend in her 70s expressed similar sentiments, feeling both grateful and slightly resentful when neighbors took over tasks she could handle. These conversations made me rethink how and when to offer help to older adults.
I've always advocated for maintaining physical abilities through everyday movement. However, by assuming my participants needed help, I was depriving them of opportunities to move their bodies. Now, I ensure my help is genuinely needed and wanted, rather than based on assumptions about their capabilities.
This shift in approach respects their independence and promotes their well-being, allowing them to retain their sense of autonomy and self-efficacy.
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